The Truth About 'Alpha Widows'
The internet has an amazing way of re-packaging super old concepts and making them seem like these brand new discoveries. Manosphere influencers acting like dating scientists, super impressed at their epiphanies, they’re the protein shake versions of Rousseu giving them flashy new names like ‘Alpha Widows’ which then haunts the psyches of men. But let’s talk about it, let’s not gaslight, let’s actually go down into the depth of the pill and crush it up and see what’s inside.
What is an Alpha Widow?
An Alpha Widow is when women turn into sexy spiders at midnight and bite men. It’s also term used to describe a woman who the manosphere would say is ‘average’, or Becky, and who once had a relationship, short or long, with a man who would be termed as an ‘alpha’. She then basically spends the rest of her life never getting over him and comparing every potential boyfriend to him and it’s disappointment from here on out. She’s got options, but no one meets her high expectations, she wants him tall, rich, handsome, charismatic, cool, muscly, strong…she wants him trading stock in the morning and chopping wood in the evening. I don’t know why the manosphere doesn’t have an equivalent term for men like ‘Stacy Widow’, because I mean, from everything I’ve heard in these spaces, feels like this would go the other way too, but for some reason it just seems like it’s a bit more put on women here, I dunno I’m just sayin…
What is an alpha?
An alpha is described to be the sort of ‘peak’ guy, the one who has it all- the charm, the smile, the excitement, the status, the charisma, the muscles, the hair, the eyes. The way the Red Pill would describe him is basically the traditional, manly man type, because the Red Pill basically thinks all women are into. That’s because the Red Pill just never really seems to bother really trying to understand female sexuality properly. The Red Pill idea of alpha is usually closer to hypermasculinity, focusing on physically masculine characteristics to an exaggerated degree as well as traits ascribed to hyper and hegemonic masculinity such as strength, stoicism, fearlessness, recklessness, sexual prowess and assertiveness, again to an exaggerated degree.
But the real trope of the ‘hot guy’, ‘cool guy’ or ‘dream guy’ is actually pretty different. When you think of high school or college cool guys, he can be anything from the captain of the football team, the lead guitarist of the alt cyberpunk nu fairycore metal band, the local semi-famous DJ, the aspiring actor, the surf instructor, the law society chairman, the med student who also volunteers at the dog shelter. He’s the one that excels academically, often without having to try, the one who just always seems to know about the best parties and always has an in, the one who has a confidence and charisma that seems movie-esque. He’s cool, he’s self assured, he’s hot, he’s popular, he’s Mr. Charming. And yeah, there are guys in life who just sort of have it or who at least seem to (and there are girls too). And even though I’m talking about people in their 20s because that’s what I mostly know, there are just some people in life, at any age, that just sort of continue to have it.
One Size Fits All?
I see this misconception in the manosphere circles a lot, the idea that a) there’s one type of guy that all women just swarm to like strung out moths and b) they know exactly what type of man that is. Honestly, there isn’t a one-sized fits all type of dream boyfriend or whatever, one woman’s Chad is another woman’s reject. Sure, some guys who just seem to have that extra charisma are a bit more liked by more girls, but every women has her own ideal fantasy movie man and there’s no actual consensus. Sometimes a guy will just have a specific magnetic pull that some find attractive and it might not even be based on obvious characteristics. Also, women change their tastes over time, what girls might be into when they’re a bit younger often isn’t what they’re into when they’re a little older. The whole floppy hair thing and maybe being into bikes or whatever, might not be enough for girls after college.
Alpha Widows- Real or Another Thing Made Up To Scare Men About Women and Make Them Paranoid?
There’s definitely a grain of truth to this concept, but it’s not exactly what the Red Pill types mean. Girls might date a few a guys in their life, some might be more intelligent, some might be a bit more physically attractive, some might be funnier etc etc etc. But women tend to move on pretty well when relationships don’t work out, except of course, if they’re dealing with an extreme broken heart or a pretty big disappointment. Dating and love are different, you don’t love everyone you date, and sometimes, it’s possible that women can be in long relationships and only realise after they’re over, and they meet someone else and fall in love quickly, that they never really loved the first person before. Think The Office and Jim and Pam, Pam was engaged for years but it wasn’t love like she felt for Jim, this happens. There’s also the effect of having a fantasy relationship with someone, so like kind of a hallucination, based on the ideas you have around someone even if you don’t know them very well, so sometimes when these short relationships end, people can feel like they missed out, aka The One That Got Away.
Ultimately, it’s how a guy makes a woman feel that captures her attention and makes it maybe a bit more difficult to move on if it ends. Being hung up on someone can range too, it can be a woman who is still getting over a real love, or it can just be a woman who occasionally fantasises about the kayak instructor guy she went out that one perfect night week with in Spain. Sometimes it’s just a kind of a loose, whatever fantasy memory and other times it’s genuinely still heartbreak and getting over someone. So yeah, it happens that women can be hung up on an ex or someone they dated, ranging from just a little to a lot. There’s also a difference between having a good memory of someone you dated to being still in the middle of obsession or just caught up in the emotional entanglement. And it’s up to the other person if they can handle it or not, no one is compelled to date another after all..
Lastly..
The term ‘Alpha Widows’ is a bit of a tactic to basically scare men off women who might have dated men, especially men who were attractive or cool, in the past. It’s a lot of insecurity, which is understandable for sure, but it’s a bit misguided and also that mindset causes fear and actually makes people unattractive. Unfortunately, insecurity and jealousy isn’t very attractive, natural yeah, but not really that attractive. If a woman is hung up on an ex, or past fling, it’ll be noticeable and it’s probably not always a good idea to date a woman who is. Also it is true that if a woman experiences a good relationship with someone who she really likes, or loves, she would like that same level of experience again. And not all women want the same kinds of men, or relationships, one woman’s perfect relationship has salsa dancing and fancy dinners, another has camping and rock climbing, you get it.. And if she’s more aware of what kind of man she is attracted to based on a past experience, she will be a bit more patient and pickier with men who she chooses to date after.
But just because a woman is hung up on an ex, it doesn’t actually mean that the only reason she still has feelings for him is based solely on his looks, status, money or even charm. It’s mostly based on the emotional draw, the pull, sometimes the sexual chemistry (which btw, isn’t based on if he looks a certain way, sexual chemistry is just this kind of mystery), sometimes the feeling of it being cut too short and sometimes, it’s an ego thing, especially if she was the one who was left. It’s not a given that if her gym instructor, a random model or Chris Hemsworth asked a woman out and it didn’t work out that she’d be all pining and distraught for him until she dies (well, maybe Chris Hemsworth… ). We miss and crave the things that emotionally touch us, that really get into our psyche, that actually have a hold on our heart, it’s mystical, it’s raw, it’s intrinsic in us and it’s not down to any one or two or three shallow things, you can’t actually Alpha your way into someone’s heart. And it’s powerful- sometimes people can be hung up on someone for years, but you know what, eventually it fades and then someone else can make us feel as strongly again.
